Datum učlanjenja: 01.12.2005
Lokacija: Novi Sad
117 "Hvala" u 2 poruka
Humor: Shooting Yourself in the Foot
Jeste da je matoro, ali mislim da su fazoni dovoljno geek i svima poznati da zasluzuje da se nadje ovde.
Have a good laugh!
Shooting Yourself in the Foot - Languages Version
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from each other) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you're currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.
Listing je dopunjen sa jos malo jezika u odnosu na original koji je prastar.[/edit]
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
6502: You shoot yourself in the foot.
68000: You can't decide which gun and which bullet to use, so you hang yourself.
8080: You foot yourself in the shoot.
80x86: The gun isn't in the same segment as your feet, so you can't shoot them.
Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
1. If you are dumb enough to actually use this language, the United States Department of Defense will kidnap you, stand you up in front of a firing squad, and tell the soldiers, "Shoot at his feet."
2. After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
3. After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and confidently aim at your foot knowing it is safe. However the cordite in the round does an Unchecked Conversion, fires and shoots you in the foot anyway.
4. You scour all 154e56 pages of the manuals, looking for references to "foot", "leg", or "toes"; then get hopelessly confused and give up. You sneak in when the boss isn't around and actually write the stinkin' thing in C, and turn 7689 pages of source code in to the review committee, knowing that they'll never look at it. When the program needs maintenance, you resign.
Algol: You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
Algol 60: You spend hours trying to figure out how to fire the gun since it doesn't have any provision for input or output.
Algol 68: You mildly deprocedure the gun, the bullet gets firmly dereferenced, and your foot is strongly coerced to void.
1. You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
2. You hear a gunshot and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what has happened.
3. @#&^$%&%^ foot
ASP: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, however the most advanced thing you can manage is to cut your wrist.
1. You try to shoot yourself in the foot, onoly to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
2. You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
3. By the time you've written the gun, you are dead, and don't have to worry about shooting your feet. Alternatively, you shoot and miss, but don't notice.
4. Using only 7 bytes of code, you blow off your entire leg in only 2 CPU clock ticks.
BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourseld in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missle launcher.
1. Shoot yourself in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
2. Lacking a gun, you hold the bullet in your hand and throw it at your foot... and miss.
1. You shoot yourself in the foot.
2. You shoot yourself in the foot and then no one else can figure out what you did.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
Clipper: You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the bullet fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail REAL SOON NOW.
1. USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
2. Allocate $500000 for the project. Define gun,bullet,foot. Run press_trigger. Go for coffee break. Return in time to put foot under bullet.
3. USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER, SCREAM.
4. You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the gun won't fire unless it's aligned in column 8.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
CP/M: You remember when shooting yourself in the foot with a BB gun was a big deal.
1. You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.
2. You squeeze the trigger, but somebody corrupted the index and the bullet shoots in your eye.
3. You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyway.
dBase IV v1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun was a poorly designed grenade, and the whole building blows up.
DOS: You finally find the gun, but can't find the file with the foot for the life of you.
$ MOUNT/DENSITY=.45/LABEL=BULLET/MESSAGE="BYE" BULLET::BULLET$GUN SYS$BULLET
$ SET GUN/LOAD/SAFETY=OFF/SIGHT=NONE/HAND=LEFT/CHAMBER=1
$ SHOOT/LOG/AUTO SYS$GUN SYS$SYSTEM:[FOOT]FOOT.FOOT
%DCL-W-ACTIMAGE, error activating image GUN
-CLI-E-IMGNAME, iamge file $3$DUA240:[GUN]GUN.EXE;1
-IMGACT-F-NOTNATIVE, image is not an OpenVMS Alpha AXP image
1. You create a GUN object, two FOOT objects and a BULLET object. The GUN passes both the FOOT objects a reference to the BULLET. The FOOT objects increment their hole counts and forget about the BULLET. A little demon then drives a garbage truck over your feet and grabs the bullet (both of it) on the way.
2. You take out a contract on your foot. The precondition is that there's a bullet in the gun, the postcondition is that there's a hole in your foot.
English: You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off.
FidoNet: You put your foot in your mouth, then echo it internationally.
1. Foot in yourself shoot.
2. First you decide to leave the number of toes lost on the stack and then implement the word foot-toes@ which takes three numbers from the stack: foot number, range, and projectile mass (in slugs) and changes the current vocabulary to 'blue'. While testing this word you are arrested by the police for mooning (remember, this is a bottom-up language) who demonstrate the far better top-down approach to damaging yourself.
3. BULLET DUP3 * GUN LOAD FOOT AIM TRIGGER PULL BANG! EMIT DEAD IF DROP ROT THEN (This takes about five bytes of memory, executes in two to ten clock cycles on any processor and can be used to replace any existing function of the language as well as in any future words). (Welcome to bottom up programming - where you, too, can perform compiler pre-processing instead of writing code)
Bice jos u sledecem postu.
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Poslednja izmena od zextra : 13. 02. 2006. u 17:51.